Monday, June 18, 2012
Guilty of Feeling Guilty
Well, it is Motherhood Monday right? I'm going to side track for a bit and get personal on a personal blog, the audacity I know. I really love my child. Some days I feel guilty for only having one, others I feel guilty for only wanting one and the days in between I am driving myself nuts with this back and forth. Truth is, I just got my body back. I like it, I loved being pregnant, I did not like the aftermath. Sounds vain but in all honesty, Analiese just started using big girl pants and it seems like it is finally getting easier. I may also just be using this excuse so I don't feel like a failure if and when the Dr tells me I can't and that she truly was my only shot. After five miscarriages prior to her and well, ahem, more after, the question of "when are you having another?" is just too much sometimes because my own fear won't let me get past it all. At the same time, something (one) is missing. I guess she just needs someone else to jump on the bed with.